


He Loves Hamilton

by emit98



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Cumplay, M/M, NSFW, smut with plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-10 19:17:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5597707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emit98/pseuds/emit98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kevin Price feels a deep connection with Alexander Hamilton after seeing the hit musical. How will he satisfy himself? Or will he never be satisfied...?</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Loves Hamilton

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Sach's crack fic contest.

For most people, gay thoughts are triggered by a certain event or person.

For Kevin Price, his gay thoughts were triggered when he saw the musical “Hamilton”.

It was his twenty second birthday. As a gift, his family made a trip to New York and managed to get their son tickets to the show as a gift. Kevin got all dressed up in a suit and tie (and he made sure not to wear a white shirt or any of his ties from his mission; Kevin did not want to remember Uganda.

The theater went dark and the opening number started playing. “BUM BUMBUMBUMBUM BUM BUM! DOOOEEEEOOOO!” The orchestra played. Kevin felt his heart rate increase as the song progressed. He sat on the edge of his seat, taking in every word of the song with bated breath.

Then, Kevin's gay thoughts hit him like a bullet to the brain.

“Alexander Hamilton,” the tiny man on stage sang, “My name is Alexander Hamilton, and there's a million things I haven't done, but just you wait, just you wait!”

Kevin felt that line in the deepest part of his soul. It reminded him of two years ago, before he left for Uganda, when his goal was to change the world.

And what was his goal now? Without the church, his life was nothing. It was just a meaningless void that the twenty-two year old did not know how to handle.

In the second song, upon finding out that young Alexander was only nineteen, Kevin felt even more giddy. Alexander was the same age he was when he wanted to change the world! And look at him! He was now immortalized in a musical! Kevin wished he could be immortalized in a musical...

Kevin soaked up every bit of the musical. He loved every second of the first act.

Soon, it was time for intermission. When it was announced, Kevin stood up, feeling light-headed. He had a huge smile on his face as he stood in the lobby. His family was discussing the show, but Kevin could barely focus.

Alexander Hamilton was fascinating to Kevin. He wished he could meet him, and be friends with him. They would have so much in common! If only time travel were possible...

Soon, it was time for the second act. Just like with the first, Kevin watched with wide-eyed fascination.

Kevin watched as Alexander abandoned his wife and sister-in-law to work. He felt bad for Eliza and Angelica, but he understood Alexander's desire to keep working. Kevin had been the same way before his mission. In fact, if his mission had gone as planned, he would probably be at home, preparing a speech for church and refusing to leave the house.

After Alexander's refusal to take a break, another song started. Kevin's face fell as Alexander went into the bedroom with Maria Reynolds. Yet the way he moved and the sexy way he sang made Kevin's virgin Mormon pickle come to life... Kevin's face flushed and he held his legs together. His mother was covering her eyes. His father was watching with a stone cold expression. Kevin, however... He was finally having his sexual awakening.

Kevin decided at that moment that he was not homosexual. He was also not heterosexual, bisexual, or any of the other types of -sexual that most people commonly use. No, he was Hamsexual.

This did not mean he was attracted to ham, the meat. This meant he was attracted to Ham. As in Alexander Hamilton.

The realization was sort of... Comforting to Kevin. He had never been attracted to anyone; female, male, or other. Of course, it sucked that he was attracted to a fictional version of a long-dead historical figure, but it was better than nothing.

During the second-to-last number, Kevin burst into tears. He was still crying after the bows, and he contained himself enough to buy the cast album and a t-shirt from the gift shop. He held both objects close to his chest.

After the show, Kevin went to the stagedoor. He felt his heart flutter as he met the lead actor, Lin Manuel-Miranda.

“Hi,” Kevin said, full of nervous flutters. “You're amazing!”

Lin gave a soft 'baha'. “Thanks,” he said. “I get that a lot.”

“I'm sure you do,” Kevin said. Then, looking away nervously, he asked, “Can I hug you?”

“Sure,” Lin said.

Kevin thought he might feel complete after hugging the man who played Alexander Hamilton, but he did not. After all, Lin was only an actor who did an amazing job with the role; he was not actually Alexander. It was still an amazing experience, though.

A few days later, Kevin was back in Utah. The first thing he did was put the cast album on his computer and then on his phone, because his family was getting annoyed with him constantly playing it. 

Kevin then googled Alexander Hamilton. He spent hours reading everything he could find about the deceased historical character. He found the link to a biography about him. It said right on the cover that it inspired the hit musical, “Hamilton”. Kevin added it to his cart. When Amazon suggested a bust of Alex, Kevin bought that, too. Too bad it was not a full body, with functional holes...

Late that night, Kevin had a dream. Alexander Hamilton was in it, stroking his hair, touching his body, and making Kevin feel good. When Kevin woke up, his pajama pants were covered in white goo. He knew what it was. Old Kevin would think it was a sin. New Kevin knew it represented his love for Alex. He did what any sane person would do and saved it in a glass jar. It had been full of things he planned to do with his life, but he had burned all the tiny slips of paper the day he came home.

For the few nights leading up to the arrival of Kevin's package, Kevin kept having the same dream about Alex. He kept saving his white goo in the jar.

When the package came, Kevin took it up to his room and locked the door. He opened it and he first delicately picked up the book. He kissed the picture of Alex on the cover before starting to read it. It took him some hours, but he managed to get through the whole thing.

By the time Kevin finished the book, it was late at night. He went to the open box and carefully lifted out the bust of Alex's head. Kevin's cock twitched at the sight of it. As with the book, he kissed it deeply. He then dropped his pants. It felt natural for the bust to get his first willing orgasm that did not come from a dream. He positioned the bust on his desk, so its mouth was in line with Kevin's crotch. Kevin pressed his Mormon pickle against the bust's lips, and he let out a whorish moan. He grinded against it for a while before pulling away. Kevin wrapped his hand around the base of his bologna pony and then began pumping it. Soon, the white creamy goo was splattered on the bust's face. Kevin had busted a nut on the bust. He then grabbed the jar of cum from his closet, and then he dumped it on the bust's head.

Kevin still was not satisfied. At that moment, he realized three fundamental truths at the exact same time.

Number one: he is a man in a world in which his only job is to marry a woman and carry on the Price name. His father has two sons, but he's the oldest and the smartest and the wittiest and the gossip in Salt Lake City is insidious, and Alexander is dead, but he doesn't want him any less.

Number two: He's after Alex because they have so much in common, but he's dead and Kevin would be naive to push that aside, maybe that is why he bought the bust of Alexander online.

Number three: he feels he knows Alex like he knows his own mind, and he will never find anyone as much like him as Ham. If he told him he loved him, he would not get a single response because Alex is dead, and his family would likely disown him. Kevin would say he's fine; he'd be lying. 

That Sunday, Kevin went to church. He begged the priest to let him back in, he confessed to his sins, and he prayed. He prayed for his own salvation, and he prayed to cleanse himself of his sins.

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, Lin Manuel-Miranda.


End file.
